Our little baby love.

I wanted to make sure I wrote after every Doctor's appointment. I had an appointment last week (on the 7th of Nov) and I forgot to blog about it.

Nothing too exciting.. I spent a while talking with my favorite Midwife, Lisa. We talked for a while, and she gave me some reassuring and positive encouragement. I needed to hear it. She, herself, has had two VBAC's - and is VERY sure that I'll be successful with baby number 3.

She was unable to find the baby's heart beat with a doppler (of course, I was only 9 weeks) so she did a quick ultrasound for me and printed off a picture. The little guy/girl was just fine and has gotten SO big since our last ultrasound at 6 weeks!

My next appointment is Dec 8th, assuming that my best friend doesn't go into labor that day/night and I'm unavailable =) I will be 14 weeks then.

We probably won't be able to find out what the baby is until some time in January.. I'll be 20 weeks right around January 18th. I don't want to waste the money that we spent last time at a crappy 3D ultrasound place who couldn't get us good pictures. I think we'll hold onto the money, and wait until our 20 week anatomy scan, and find out then. =)

Here's a picture of our little love!

                                         

And baby makes 5.

I've been horrible at updating my blog lately. I've had a hard time finding the motivation, and a hard time finding the "free" time (as if I have a lot of that anyways) to write.

We found out several weeks ago that we would be expecting baby #3. It was slightly surprising, to say the least, but we're not at all upset. We wanted to have another baby, and we wanted them to be close in age. We were hoping to wait another 6 months, but it looks like there were other plans. That's how life is - and we're alright with it.

As with James, I was in total disbelief this time around. It was like, I knew that I was pregnant, but yet I didn't believe that I was pregnant. Is that crazy? Haha. It should sound crazy. No, crazy is the amount of pregnancy tests that I took before finally convincing myself that I was, indeed, pregnant again. I think this time, the number tops around 12. Don't judge me.

We've had two ultrasounds so far.. one at 6 weeks and another at 7 weeks. Both showed a little tiny dot with a lovely little heart flutter.

We are roughly 9 weeks pregnant now, and have another doctor's appointment on Monday, November 7th. I'm hoping for another ultrasound but I'm not crossing my fingers.

So.. questions that everyone has asked? Was it planned? Hmm.. a better answer to that would be that it was not prevented. Take that how you will.

Do we want a boy, or a girl? The answer is.. we just want a healthy baby, and we'll be equally happy with whatever we are blessed with.

Our "due date" is June 6th (or 7th?) -- but I don't put a lot of faith into due dates. It's just a guess, and babies rarely come on their due dates. I see it as more of a "birth month" - and we'll be adding our new baby sometime in June.

Here's a few pictures for you all.

^Where the line is, to the left, is right around where the baby is.. this was taken at 7 weeks and obviously the little baby is small. Heartbeat is at the bottom left. 

^Pretty self evident, here.. although again, not much to see yet.

^Again.. not much explanation needed. LOL 

And another ultrasound picture, this one was taken at 6 weeks. Not much to see yet, either =)

How your baby's growing: (9 weeks)

Your new resident is nearly an inch long — about the size of a grape — and weighs just a fraction of an ounce. She's starting to look more and more human. Her essential body parts are accounted for, though they'll go through plenty of fine-tuning in the coming months. Other changes abound: Your baby's heart finishes dividing into four chambers, and the valves start to form — as do her tiny teeth. The embryonic "tail" is completely gone. Your baby's organs, muscles, and nerves are kicking into gear. The external sex organs are there but won't be distinguishable as male or female for another few weeks. Her eyes are fully formed, but her eyelids are fused shut and won't open until 27 weeks. She has tiny earlobes, and her mouth, nose, and nostrils are more distinct. The placenta is developed enough now to take over most of the critical job of producing hormones. Now that your baby's basic physiology is in place, she's poised for rapid weight gain.

What makes a Dad?

I can’t even count
The things you’ve done for me
I can’t begin to list
Everything you’ve helped me through
You’re the only dad I’ve ever known
Since my father can’t be a man
You stepped in when we needed you most
You picked up the pieces
And fixed two shattered lives
And through the years
Gave us two brand new lives
You stuck with me
Through my hatred
Of you, of me, of the world
You always encouraged me
And told me I could do better
I never believed you
Until it happened
I never thought a step-dad
Could become such an influence
I never knew that a step-dad
Could be such a hero
I never guessed that my step-dad
Could become my dad



Today was the final court date for our Step-Parent adoption. Bill filed for a step-parent adoption of Keira in March of 2011 and after a lot of turmoil over this summer, today (Sept 2) finalized the adoption.

Bill is legally the other parent of Keira now. It went fabulously, and we're so excited to have things official.

The above poem is a copy of the poem that Keira wrote in a card for Bill in June. Enjoy it!

I have a fourth grader!

Keira attended her first day of fourth grade yesterday. I drove her to school, and dropped her and her two neighbor friends off at the front doors. She was so excited, and so beautiful. I want to know where my little girl has gone! She rode the bus home.

This morning, she got up, showered, ate a bowl of cereal and was out the door to her friend's house to "hang out" until the bus came. When did she start saying "hang out" instead of "play"?! She was out the door so quickly that I didn't have time to snap a picture of her this morning, which makes me a little sad. I'll try to get one when she comes home but it's not the same!

James is quite sad about the fact that Sissy is gone all day. He watched her leave from the front door today and he was quite disturbed by the fact that she was leaving. Poor guy. He's so attached to his big Sis!

Sometimes, I need a reminder.

As a busy stay at home Mom - with too much to do on a daily basis and never enough time (it seems) to do it..

 Sometimes I need a reminder that my kids will only be kids for so long and that no matter if it's today, tomorrow, or 10 years from now - the dust will always be there to dust, the sweeping to be swept, and the laundry to be done.

 Sometimes the reminder comes in the form of a thought at how quickly our sweet little babies grow, or how many Mothers have empty arms and would love to have a dirty house in exchange for their little one to hold, but today I am simply reminded of this poem, and while my teething, grumpy and quite clingy little guy needs me so much today - I am blessed to have him to need me. I hope that makes sense to everyone. I'll share it now, and stop rambling.

Mother, O' Mother, come shake out your cloth,

Empty the dustpan, poison the moth.

Hang out the washing, make up the bed,

Sew on a button and butter the bread.

Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?

She's up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.

Oh, I've grown as shiftless as Little Boy Blue,

Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo.

Dishes are waiting and bills are past due,

Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek - peekaboo.

The shopping's not done and there's nothing for stew,

And out in the yard there's a hullabaloo.

But I'm playing Kanga and this is my Roo.

Look! Aren't his eyes the most wonderful hue?

Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo.

The cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow,

But children grow up, as I've learned to my sorrow.

So quiet down cobwebs; Dust go to sleep!

I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep.

~ Ruth Hulbert Hamilton

School

Another school year is looming desperately close to our future. Keira will be starting fourth grade in less than a week. I have so many mixed feelings, as I do every year. Excitement for her - that she's starting another grade, growing, learning, and turning into such a beautiful young lady. Sadness, that some how, my sweet little baby has turned into this beautiful young lady and is growing up faster than I can keep track. Sadness, because while she can be a royal pain in the tush (come on - nothing but honestly folks!) I LOVE having her home. I love the extra time with her and she has been such a help with her little brother this summer

I am trying to pick up some tips from other Moms with school age kiddos on how they make their time more useful. I want to make sure that I have the things I need done, done - that way I can spend the time I need to in the evening with her. I don't want to spend all evening trying to catch up with my own chores, and doing her home work, etc.

I just looked up the dance schedule for the local dance class she wants to attend. I need to call them asap tomorrow and see if it's too late to get her signed up. I'm afraid it is. We missed orientation. Classes start Sept 7. I really, really want her to be able to do this. I hope we have enough time! I think she should do Jazz and Hip Hop. They have another one, to help with toning, stretching, etc. I might see if I can get her into all three.

If anyone has any tips on how to make the school week smoother - or has some awesome lunch ideas to share - please, please - leave a comment!

Until then, I leave you with a super sweet picture of myself and Keira as a baby. Enjoy - I sure did :)

Heart problems.

Most of my friends and family know that my husband had heart surgery a few years ago. For those of you who aren't aware, I'll share the story here.

Bill is diabetic and has been since he was around 20-21. He tried to avoid shots and a possible insulin pump like it was the plague. I blame this, partially, on bad experiences with his own Mother's pump. It conditioned him to avoid a pump, to avoid the 'scene' that can come with a pump, etc.

Anyways, back on track here. Shortly after we got engaged (roughly 3 months), Bill started complaining of chest pains. We blew it off for a few days - saying it was stress, anxiety, heart burn, etc. Bill had been laid off from his previous employer and had a huge interview a few days later - we figured it was anxiety related to the stress of the interview and new job potential.

It finally got really bad, bad enough that it woke him up from his sleep. We decided to go to the hospital. They didn't see anything abnormal, but decided to keep him for a 24 hour observation. Thankfully they kept him over night, and thankfully we had a good Cardiologist who said "Well, he has a family history of heart issues, so let's do a stress test". The stress test (running on a treadmill while being monitored) showed a few small "potential issues" but nothing major. They *almost* sent us home -- again, the cardiologist said "Let's do a heart cath. Let's just be sure. We don't want to send him home and have a heart attack just because we wanted to avoid a test."

I will never forget what it felt like to walk from the waiting room into the cath lab. I will never forget walking into the actual room itself, and being shown pictures of Bill's heart. The reason for his chest pain? One of the main arteries had a blockage. Not just a blockage, but a 90% blockage. It wasn't in an area that he could do a stent, and it would require surgery. Major - open - heart - surgery.

The next 24 hours are still a blur. More testing. More blood work (lots more). Different IV site. More prep. More testing. More ultrasounds. Very little sleep and lots of crying on my behalf. I don't think I've ever cried so much in such a short period of time.

To this day, it is STILL the scariest thing that I have ever been through and nothing ever prepared me for walking into the Cardiac ICU and seeing my Husband with so many, many tubes, IVs, monitors, etc. The recovery was pretty awful. They eventually moved him off the CICU and onto the heart rehab floor. They continued to check his blood sugar EVERY HOUR for DAYS. They say that you can't really rest in a hospital - that is an UNDERSTATEMENT. We had someone in our room every hour, sometimes several times an hour, for DAYS. We were practically begging to go home just because we were EXHAUSTED.

Since this - Bill has now gotten an insulin pump and his blood sugar remains in MUCH better control. He is no longer spiking and dropping like he was previously. He is on new medications for his heart, and as long as he takes them - his cholesterol remains in "check".

Unfortunately, he still has chest pain. To the point that it has been worse than the pain he was feeling BEFORE the heart surgery. They have done two more heart caths since - and both have come up clean. The long term prognosis is wonderful.

Thank you for all the thoughts & prayers we've received in the last week. Bill's most recent episode of chest pain was diagnosed as "Cardiac Syndrome X" - which is, in short, unexplained chest pain with no 'emergent' threat. 

Why cloth?

I started using cloth diapers on my son when he was roughly 3-4 months old. Since then, I've had several friends and family members (as well as strangers!) who have asked me: Why cloth?

Starting from about 4-5 days old, up until I switched over to cloth - James had a diaper rash. I don't mean just irritation from his being in a disposable for too long (in fact, we were changing CONSTANTLY in hopes to get it to go away). I tried Huggies, Luvs and Pampers. Pampers were the worst that we tried, they literally put hole like sores on his bum. We went to the pediatrician and got special creams for it. We tried almost every single over the counter remedy, as well as a few 'home made' remedies. It never really went away. Finally, at my wits end.. I suggested switching to cloth diapers. Bill wasn't very open to the idea, but went ahead with it anyways.

We ordered a few to get us started and after about a week - the diaper 'rash' was completely gone. I've since learned that it was probably not a diaper rash, but rather a reaction to the chemicals that are in disposable diapers (oh yeah - try to google ingredients in a disposable diaper. good luck trying to weed out whatever your child is sensitive to). For a more 'realistic' idea of what his diaper rash looked like - google pampers and chemical burn. It was awful.

So, we have been using cloth for about 6 months now. I've had to use disposables a few times (ie: our washer broke down. we went on vacation.) but for the most part, he's in cloth only. I haven't had a disposable diaper in our home for almost two months, I'd say.

So what do we use? Well, we use pocket diapers. I have Fuzzibunz, Bum Genius, Alva Baby (although they are not my favorite but they work during the day), Dilly Dally (this is not a pocket diaper. I just love the diaper), Flip, Econobum, and a few generics that I bought off of Ebay. When we first started, we used kissaluvs fitted & a few generic covers.

I thought cloth would be a lot harder than what it is. I can tell you, I wish we'd done it from the beginning. If we have another baby, we will use only cloth from the start.

So if you're pregnant and thinking about using cloth? Don't be scared or intimidated. Ask questions about it - really, it's NOT hard. I do diaper laundry about twice a week. I use Rockin' Green for our detergent, it's fairly priced and it works. I never had to rinse diapers until we started giving James solid foods, and even the 'rinsing' part isn't that disgusting (although.. I did work as an STNA for a few years so maybe my level of 'disgust' is different).

Besides, who doesn't love that little fluffy yellow butt?

Why I support Mason's Cause.

I write about Mason's Cause on my Facebook account quite often. It's a non profit organization that's grown quite close to my heart, even though I have never experienced the loss of a baby.

I met Kari earlier this year - after Facebook deleted her account for having pictures of her nursing her son. Of course, being a lactivist (breastfeeding advocate) it just infuriated me, and I joined the group to get her Facebook back and eventually added her as a friend, when FB reactivated her account.

I started cloth diapering and went to her for advice on how to start, and we talked on chat a few times, etc. Our sons were the same age (literally, 6 days apart).

In March of 2011, Kari posted a status that will forever haunt me - that she found her son, in his bed, cold, unresponsive, and for everyone to please pray for a miracle. I stayed up until she finalized the news - that Mason had grown wings. I remember holding my son in his sleep, and thanking God for my son - but yet, grieving for the loss of her son. I checked her Facebook repeatedly over the next several days, I just wanted to see HOW she was doing. How is it, that this woman, and this family that I've never known impacted my life in such a way? I'm not sure, but I know that I'm not the only one who has been impacted by Mason's life.

My daughter and I released balloons on the day of Mason's services. We burned a candle all day - a candle that STILL remains on my mantle, and hasn't been burned since.

Since this, I've learned more about infant loss. I've learned that approx. 78 infants die a day in the US. I've learned that many families are financially unable to pay for services for their babies. I've learned how much it truly COSTS for the services and learned that sadly, too many parents CANNOT pay for them.

Kari started a non profit organization called Mason's Cause. It's a multipurpose site - to help provide emotional support for grieving parents, grandparents, friends, aunts/uncles, brothers/sisters etc. when they lose an infant. It's also to provide financial assistance to those who are unable to pay for the funeral services.

I finally met Kari last night and I wish I'd met her (in person) sooner. She's incredibly sweet, and so are the people that surround her. I had a great time (even if I couldn't do much, and I couldn't stay as long as I wanted) helping at the car wash. My daughter had a blast with her husband and the kids who were there. I feel blessed to have been able to take part in this.

So, when I spam your Facebook wall with information about Mason's Cause.. or if I ask you to "like" it and share it - please, please, PLEASE take the time to do this. I know that you may not have lost a child and you might not really know what to say to those who have - but just sharing the site with others could really impact the life of someone you might not even know yet.

I'll step off my soap box - I just figured I'd introduce my new blog with something that is really important, and introduce a few of you to something that means a lot to me. Thanks for reading. :)

A little bit about us.

My family is everything to me. They literally define me, and they are the reason I do everything - they are the reason I am who I am.

I've been a Mom for a while now, for almost longer than I can remember not being a Mom. My daughter came into my life as a wonderful surprise - I was 14. It seems like just yesterday, but next month - she'll be turning 10. I've accomplished so much since I became her Mother, it amazes me. I constantly wonder - how did we GET through the last ten years? I've graduated high school and College. I worked as a nurse for years (until I met my now Husband). And some how, I've raised and molded her into the beautiful young lady that she has become.

My son was born on October 28, 2010. I wanted the birth with him that I wasn't able to give my daughter. Natural, unmedicated, intervention-free, quiet & peaceful. I wanted to trust my body, to give birth as naturally as I could - like so many women before me were able to do. I gave my all to that plan, and for almost 17 hours - I was successful. My son started to suffer serious distress while we were in labor, and I was transferred to the OR for an emergency c-section. They were able to locate his heart rate and we hoped that I'd be able to still birth naturally. However, his heart tones weren't reassuring and we ended up having to give birth surgically. While it wasn't the birth I wanted and while I question if we could have done things differently, I'm glad that my son was born healthy and I'm glad that I'm still here to be his Mom. A positive birth experience is important, but nothing trumps having a healthy Mom & baby. Nothing.

My Husband and I have been married for almost two years, and have been together for almost three. We met in November of 2008. We fell head over heels in love, and got engaged a few months later. On October 23, 2009 - we got legally married in Gatlinburg, TN. We were already planning our big wedding (set for April 24, 2010) but needed to have things legally in place. Bill had a pretty scary heart surgery that year, and we were afraid of something bad happening again and I would have had no legal say in his care at that point. We didn't tell a lot of people - so if you didn't know, please don't get upset. It wasn't that we were hiding it, it's just that we didn't see it as a real marriage ceremony and we didn't want to downplay our wedding in April. We had a beautiful wedding on April 24, 2010 - at which we were already expecting our precious new guy.

I worked as a LPN for a few years before I met Bill, and as an STNA for a few years before that. Sometimes, I miss working. I miss the people I used to work with and the people I used to take care of - but I don't miss the hours I used to work and I'm glad that I'm the main/primary caregiver of both my children.

I'm a pretty opinionated Momma. I've researched everything I do for my kids - I've read books, watched documentaries, read study after study from medical journals as well as personal experiences from many other parents. I'm learning that while I may research the crap out of everything, not every parent does. I'm learning that a lot of parents are okay with trusting what the media says, and what other parents say - even what their doctors say. If you find that I'm a bit pushy with my beliefs, bear with me. I'm a work in progress.